Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
