My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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