Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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