Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize