What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
