Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
