once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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