i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
