He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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