I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
