So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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