im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize