No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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