I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
