I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
