Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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