This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
