It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
