Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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