My sheets look like a crime scene.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
