Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
When are your genitals available?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
