a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
