Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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