Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
