we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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