i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You made out with two different species that night
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
