If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
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