Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
