YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Just high enough for therapy.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
