She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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