yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
