i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
