I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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