i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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