She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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