I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
