can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
