I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
