tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
