I murdered the dance floor call the cops
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
