I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
