On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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