he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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