We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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