i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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