i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
