True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
