At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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