In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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