i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
