wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
