My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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