Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
