I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We talked him into tasing himself.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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