things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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