i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
