Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
