Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
