Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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