you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
