I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
